WORDINESS

Wordiness canbecome a problem for writers because too many words can obscure meanings and createawkward sentences. Fortunately, wordiness is easy to reduce so that one’swriting becomes much clearer and smoother.

Ways toreduce wordiness:

1. Look for thetwo or three words that carry your meaning, and then see if you can rearrangethem to speak for themselves, cutting out all the little useless wirings.

     Wordy: This isthe young man who was elected to be president by the class.

     Revised: Theclass elected this young man president.

2. Avoid thepassive voice.

     Wordy: It wasvoted that there would be a drive for the cleaning up of the park.

     Revised: Wevoted a drive to clean up the people's park.

3. Avoid overuseof there is and itis.

     Wordy: (Thereare) many women (who) never marry.  

     Revised: Manywomen never marry.

     Wordy: (It is)his last book (that) shows his genius best.

     Revised: Hislast book shows his genius best.

4. Beware theuse of and the verb use.

     Wordy: He usesrationalization.

     Revised: Herationalizes.

5. Cutunnecessary words and phrases.

     Wordy: When thetime to go had arrived. Molly left.

     Revised: When itwas time to go, Molly left.

6. Avoid wordssuch as angle. aspect. factor. and situation. and phrases such as in the caseof, in the line of, in the field of are almost never necessary. They are muchoverused.

     Wordy: Anotheraspect of that needs examining is the matter of advertising.

     Revised:  We should also examine advertising.

7 .Givepreference to one exact word to two or more approximate words.

8. Avoidredundancy by not using expressions such as visible to the eyes, whichsay the same thing twice.

9. Avoid awkwardand needless repetition.

     Wordy: Theimportant subject on which I was going to speak is career opportunities, a     subject of great importanceto college students.

     Revised: I amgoing to speak on career opportunities, a subject of great importance to    college students.

10. Showpreference to prefer simple, direct expressions to needlessly complex ones.

     Wordy: Not ayear passes without some evidence of the fundamental truth of the      statement that theprocedures and techniques of education are more complicated and   complex than they were two decades ago.

     Revised: Each yearshows that methods of education are more complex than they      were twenty years ago.

Exampleexercise in revising to reduce wordiness:

Dead farm-typeanimals are a danger factor in causing the post-flood clearance and waterpollution situation.

Dead animals area serious factor in causing the water pollution situation.

Dead animals area factor in causing the pollution of water.

Dead animalscause water pollution   

Dead animalscause polluted water.   

Dead animalspollute water.